Hello from Costa Rica! For the next two months, my team, along with our 35 other squadmates and 11 Gap Year World Racers are living at a ministry site called Ocean’s Edge in Jaco, Costa Rica.
That looks like 41 people in one house sharing a handful of bathrooms. It’s hectic, sandy, and there is never EVER a spot where I can be alone. We have a curfew and there is a buddy system to protect anyone from ever being alone. Jaco is a dangerous city.
I am learning a lot about submission just by trying to live these days. Virtually every facet of my independence has been stripped from me. I don’t control what I do, who I do it with or where I go. I don’t always get to choose when I shower, when and what I eat and how much time I have with the Lord.
I’ve been stripped.
I am fully and completely trusting Him to fill me and to take care of all the pieces that feel like a violation of how I typically like to live. It’s uncomfortable. I’ll say it.
While our team loves getting to be with the greater squad, that has also brought about some challenges, hurt feelings and new obstacles. There are now 35 other distractions and being a people person, I feel that. The introverts tend to get left behind and I have a hard time seeing them when there is always noise and excitement in front of me. I get pulled in many directions leaving me with many more choices and the potential for a lot more FOMO. It’s tiring.
Our ministry schedule runs five days a week with one day set aside for catch up and adventure and a full day of Sabbath. It’s truly a very giving and lovely schedule and we are thankful for it! Still yet, somehow it’s been hard to get settled here. Maybe it’s the 41 people, maybe it’s the dark atmosphere of Jaco, or maybe it’s the death of the honey moon phase on the race. Whatever it is, it’s here and I’d love your prayer to help fight against it.
When we first arrived, our host had us take a personality test to try and understand our giftings. This test helps her to classify us for specific ministry jobs while we are with her. It’s really helpful. It helps identify spiritual and administrative giftings. She also allows us to rank which jobs we are interested in so that we have more say in what we are doing. The jobs range from art to clean up to service to business and beyond. There is plenty to do for the community and plenty to do for the ministry.
My results came in just like I thought they would – business written all over me. “Driving Director.” Of course, I said with a sneer. My highest giftings were apostle and leadership coupled with service. “No no no, not again,” I thought. I don’t’ want to be bucketed as the corporate lady boss. I want to be free, Lord!”
When it came time to rank our interests I buried business at the bottom convinced I could hide from my ministry host and avoid the label. I ranked art at the top.
So when it came time to get our jobs, I got put on “skilled artist” lead which is hilarious because I am no skilled artist. I literally laughed all day that first day because we were responsible for designing mural art and I was totally out of my element.
A little sheepish, I felt the first tug from God. “Why aren’t you on business as missions, Lindsey?”
Later, I got to hear from the Business as Missions team and as they explained their responsibilities I had about 15 ideas. I shut the lid on those quickly thinking “no, no, no, I’m not about to get sucked into that again.”
The next day I spent some time with the Lord in the morning and heard just as plain as day, “I really like the way I made you Lindsey. I did it for a reason. Are you going to trust me with that? Are you going to trust that it will be different this time? You aren’t who you used to be. ”
In a quick flash: I remembered the late nights, the stress eating, the long hours, the people pleasing, the “tone issues,” the reputation of being a bull dog and all the moments I didn’t look like Christ. I remembered the money hungry, competitive, unhealthy, lost young woman looking for the next thrill. I remembered the quest for independence that led to loneliness. It rushed over me in a wave.
So there it was. I was afraid.
His words came in again, “You aren’t who you used to be.” “I love the way I made you.”
As I sat there, I knew what I had to do.
We had a leader meeting that day to check on all the leaders and see how everyone was doing. I admitted I was struggling with the results of my personality test and felt like I was hiding from the talents God had given me that were once used without Him. I was afraid that if I let that part of me out again, I would misuse them and somehow revisit that persona I had left behind.
Hannah, our host piped up – “Hey I want to walk through that with you! You and I, we have the same results.”
Hannah has the most clever and cheeky smile. She’s a beautiful mom and wife who runs a successful real estate venture while also running the ministry. She’s passionate about people walking in their spiritual gifts and living a life alongside Jesus. She’s a business lady and a Jesus freak and she and I have a lot in common.
Confession is a powerful thing. Now it was out in the open.
Hannah didn’t coerce me. She didn’t say a word. But the Lord did.
The next morning I woke up to Him saying “So are you going to share your experience with Hannah today or are you going to hide all of that away? Do you really think you should be painting murals? Stop hiding, Lindsey.”
I approached Hannah and simply said, “I have eight years of corporate experience in digital media and marketing. I’ve been hiding because when I met Jesus I left the corporate world and I don’t want to go back, but I think you can use me.” She smiled, did a bit of head nod and said “Uhhhhhh yea! Switching you now!”
And so I’m back to business.
I’m working with a small group of business interested racers on a series of videos that will be utilized for marketing and social media. It’s right up my alley. They are creative, hungry and excited and I’m getting the opportunity to use my directing, operational and business admin skills to drive us to the greater goal. And the best part is that they like working with me! They don’t see a power hungry, pant suited gal with tone issues. They see Lindsey, a woman who loves the Lord and loves business.
It might not be what I wanted, but it’s where the Lord wants to use me and I can already see that He is going to give me the desires of my heart. I even had a little fun with it the other day.
A few days later, my team got introduced to our mentor – someone from the local church that will be pouring into us while we’re here. What do her and her husband do? They run a Persian rug business. Are you kidding? The Lord is so cool.
I’m not lost on Him exposing me to all these women in business and in missions and the soft and gentle push to step outside of my comfort zone and back into my giftings.
And with that, I’m not going to let my imagination run away with me. The Lord reveals things in His timing, not mine and I can rest knowing I’m the instrument, not the musician. This could be a quick revisit for THIS ministry or a set up for more later. Either is good if it’s with Him. I’ve seen that play out enough times.
For now, I am reminded that the Lord wastes nothing. My gifts were never mine to begin with anyway and really, there is SO much freedom in that.
Please join me in praying for Jaco, Ocean’s Edge (the ministry I’m working with) and for me as I walk in obedience and a TON of submission.
Six days in and I’ve been involved in planning a video series for the ministry, I’ve debated religion with a German neurosurgeon that I randomly ran into the day after my debate and I’ve worship battled out some serious demonic forces with my squad.
The Lord is real and alive and moving and the kingdom of God is NOT a fairytale. What a wonderful thing to know wherever I am, I am working for the greatest good because I know Him and He is training me to grow allll the time leaving no space for inadequacy or purposelessness.
It’s ever changing, ever challenging and ever surprising but I wouldn’t trade this life for anything.
What corporate business stole from me, Kingdom business will restore. I know it.
