I’m a sucker for symbolism. I’m looking for it wherever I go. To me, a good symbol is a message from God, a little secret He whispers to me to show me He’s always watching and never far. Symbols breath meaning into life and set up moments for us to stop and think or rather pause and contemplate all that God is doing to move our little feet forward.
He’s sweet like that. Intentional like that.
Before I left home, I wrote about how it felt to leave for the second time. My heart felt wrenched. I was hurting over leaving my community, hurting over the breakup of last years squad and frankly, unwilling to even try to remember the freedom and light heartedness I had felt the last time I was on the field. I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to stay home.
And in the midst of that feeling and working to love everyone back home with all my might, I received the sweetest of gifts from friends. Al bought me a bracelet with an Arkansas charm on it, a reminder of home and a symbol that they’re with me. My friend HP made me a new friendship bracelet, a little thicker this time, as the one she had made me for my 2020 race had begun to wear out. I put them on before I left and felt good knowing I had pieces of home with me.
It didn’t take too terribly long for me to remember the life that living in my calling brings me. A few days into launch I started to feel new air filling my lungs and began to breathe in tune with the spirit as he relaxed me into what was coming and all that was next for this year. I started to feel the invisible strings of home breaking one by one like little spider webs – no pain, just a little tap. I began to stop thinking about the people back home 24/7 and started to just think about them every once in a while. I found myself completely healed form the pain of separating from my old squad and looking forward to all the things I would experience on this squad.
The Lord was renewing my mind, patching up the holes of heartbreak and preparing me for ministry. He was transitioning me so lovingly, so perfectly prescribed, and in such kindness that I was keeping my head positioned forwards instead of backwards.
What a gift.
Once our whole squad got to Guatemala, we had a couple of days to train and get settled before we all split up to go to our different ministries. That’s also always a bit of a heart break. Any friends that bring me comfort in the greater squad become tearful goodbyes when we separate into our teams. The day we packed up to leave, I was gathering my things and putting on my pack and realized my wrist looked a bit different. The Arkansas charm Al had given me had fallen off leaving the metal cuff bare. I sighed. “Already?” I thought. Paying attention to everything else on my wrist, I touched the bracelet HP had given me last year to move it up a bit and it broke off in my hands. “Really? Another one?” I said out loud.
A little frustrated, I kept moving, eager to get to the next thing, to meet my hosts for the next 6 weeks.
A few days later, I was sitting on the roof of our new home staring at the sky watching the colors change. I was pensive, full of wonder and interest at the fact that I felt totally content. I wasn’t wishing I was somewhere else. I wasn’t wondering what others were doing. I was being, living, serving and loving it.
I looked down at the empty cuff and the brand new and brightly colored bracelet HP had given me for 2021 and smiled.
“Ahhh, I get it now, Lord.”
The Arkansas charm fell off because it was time to leave Arkansas behind again. It was time to remember that when I gave my life to the Lord, I gave it all up. I told him He could have my life, my identity, my comforts…..everything. Arkansas was never promised to me, consistency wasn’t the goal and the Lord never told me I’d always be cozy. Arkansas had to be shed like a sacrifice. I had to give it up in order to step into everything the Lord had for me upcoming.
And my 2020 bracelet HP made me? It was time to let my last squad go. It was time to shed the tattered remains of a broken dream and move on to the beauty of a new one. It was time.
The Lord speaks in so many things little and big. I encourage you to look for the symbols. Those riddles and little treasures are delights to find.
I still wear the little cuff – a reminder of Al and a reminder of what God did to symbolize a smooth transition and a healing heart. When I look at it, I smirk. “My cheeky, comedic, ever clever Jesus, closing in on every little feeling I thought he might have forgotten, always watching, always ready to make me smile.”
It’s been a little over three weeks since we got to our hosts home and we’ve seen so much growth individually, as a team and within ministry. Our team is strong, influential and has the super power to bring the spirit of God wherever we go and especially in worship. These things have been spoken over us by people who know us and people who don’t.
When we take a leap that’s scary, the Lord is always there cheering us on, promising the plans he has are better than what we’re staring at now. It’s up to us whether or not we hop in and take the ride or stay still.
I’m so glad I hopped.
My bracelets broke but my heart is in tact. I’ll take it.
Smiling. Just smiling so big.
A wise friend asked me before a spiritual journey: what must you leave behind to fully enter in? Apparently, part of your response would be: Arkansas.
Love you, Lindsey!
Lindsey, thanks for sharing these words. We know that God wants us to leave things behind so that we can have his full attention. We are to let go and let God take hold. I am hoping that you are able to use that Scripture package that I made for you last year and being able to use it here on this adventure. May God continue to watch over you and show you his love for the people that you meet on a daily basis ??.
What a haunting, beautiful, alluring last LINE!!!! LETS GO LINDSEY!!!!!!!!
Weepy thinking about how beautifully ordained this entire journey has been for you. Sending you big love & bold prayers, Linds!