I’ve been having versions of a similar dream lately.

I’m back out on the field crazy and on fire for Jesus and no-one around me matches my enthusiasm. I’m made fun of, I stick out and I feel lonely in the dream. I dance and raise my hands in worship among the monotone voices and I lay hands on those around me and pray for healing among skeptic eyes. And in the dream I question my behavior as if the enemy is speaking to me there. “Don’t stick out, it’s not about you. You’re making people uncomfortable. Go ahead and sit down.”

Disturbed, I rise up out of bed and pray. Phew. I’m on the field now among people thirsty for Lordship. It’s not true. I’m not alone.

At least not yet.

We’ve been in Kyrgyzstan for over two weeks now but my brain and heart is still catching up from everything I experienced in Armenia and everything that happened at debrief and PVT (our parent vision event) and the Burn (our 24/7 prayer week out in the desert in yurts).

My last blog was a bit of a lament on the Armenian Orthodox church and what I saw spending countless hours praying in and around and for them.

I’ve been thinking about why those churches frustrated me so much and why I felt so burned by the apathy and the religious monotony there.

I struggled in Armenia. My heart was heavy. My body felt lethargic. I literally felt hypnotized half the time struggling to get up and go, struggling to remain passionate for ministry, and struggling to hit the streets.

What happened to me there? What was I carrying?

Back in Jaco, Costa Rica I watched a film on Youtube called “Sheep Among Wolves.” You should watch it regardless of what you believe. It’s free. Go watch it.

It’s about the rising underground church in Iran and it will kick you in the pants if you’re a comfortable Western Christian. There’s a story about a woman from Iran who converts to Christianity and marries a Western man who takes her to America where he feels she will be happier and more fulfilled. She doesn’t last. She explains that the church in America is under a Satanic Lullaby and they won’t wake up. They aren’t hungry for Jesus and His Lordship, they aren’t experiencing the gifts and freedom He offers and they aren’t passionate about making disciples. Who wants to be a part of that kind of church?

So they move to Iran, join the persecuted church there and they make disciples who are on fire, willing to risk their lives so that the message of Jesus can spread. Incredible.

I think the reason that Armenia was hard for me, the reason that I struggled and fought was because they too are under the lullaby, maybe a thicker one actually and my flesh was fighting it.

I watched as people glum as can be walked in to the church, bought candles, lit them, made the sign of the cross, kissed a gate and left. I watched dead eyes, joyless spirits and mute tongues. I saw grandiose buildings housing lifeless services where the bible was nowhere to be found and the spirit of the Lord was absent. I wept as I heard the name of Jesus mentioned like a passing thought and saw the bondage that the people who claimed to know Him possessed.

They think they know Him. They don’t. They think they’re saved. They aren’t. They think this is it. It isn’t.

God has been teaching me that the orthodox experience, void of the gifts of the spirit and drenched in empty tradition found nowhere in the bible is not so different from the American church. And my battle with the people who think they know Jesus but don’t is the same battle in America.

It’s a hard word. I know.

The truth is that America has fallen ill to as much cultural Christianity as Armenia. I know plenty of people that would check that box on their census card but rarely step foot in a church, haven’t prayed in years and use their bible as a decoration on their bookshelf. They’re not interested. It’s not their life.

I know a whole other group that attend church regularly, are a part of a few bible studies and serve at church but still have Jesus more as their belief system and less as their Lord.

Fallen under the satanic lullaby of materialism, our culture prides itself on financial success, the quest for happiness and fulfillment and a false morality and goodness that will make our lives feel complete. Still purposeless and wandering we are the most drugged, the most obese and the most unhappy country out there all while boasting as the largest Christian country in the world.

It’s because we actually aren’t.

The gospel you’ve heard might have something to do with Jesus dying on the cross for your sins so that you can inherit eternity in heaven with Him. That’s not wrong. But the part that gets left out because it’s a far more sacrificial choice is that in order to be a Christian, (a little Christ), you have to be willing to make Jesus your Lord, not just your savior. You have to be willing to die to your old self and your old ways in every form and fashion in order to pursue looking like Him. You have to be willing to be reborn and understand that your life is not your own. It never really was anyway.

Billy Graham once said that 2/3rds of the church is going to hell. That’s of the church, not of the population. Let that sink in.

In Matthew 13:24-30 Jesus talks about the Kingdom of God and explains that the Lord will gather us all up at the end and separate the good seed from weeds. He tells us that He won’t pull the weeds until harvest because if He did that He would hurt the good seed. People of God, He is talking about the church, not just the total population! While the church continues to fail, God will not demolish it because He knows there are real ones among the weeds but that means there are people sitting in pews today that will not be gathered up at harvest.

The reality is that a large chunk of people who are calling themselves Christians in Armenia, in America and all over the world will NOT be with Jesus when they die.

Check out Matthew 7: 21-23. To me, it’s the scariest part of the whole bible but because He loves us He warns us. Don’t be asleep. Don’t think you’re in when you aren’t. Just saying you know me and believe in me, isn’t enough.

You might think you know Him. You might not. You might think you’re saved. You might not be. You might think your faith is it. Statistics shout it likely isn’t.

If this convicted you, you might want to have a conversation with Jesus about what place He has in your life. If this didn’t convict you and you are unmoved, you might want to have a conversation with Jesus about your heart for the lost.

God wants to build an army of believers who fight evil, disciple lost sheep and experience the beauty and freedom of the kingdom of heaven on earth. He’s not interested in only seeing you in a pew once a week and praying before dinner.

Let me tell you, the cost of dropping everything to follow Jesus is great. He demands your whole life and your whole heart. He demands your obedience. And let me tell you also, the gain of following Jesus is great. He will revive you from fear, anxiety, hopelessness and purposelessness. He will give you a plan for your life and a future. He will give you a heart of flesh and you’ll love like you never have before. He will lead you and strengthen you and call you every beautiful thing.

There is no greater love.

I’ve recently felt a heavy conviction to share this message with my world, to tell the hard truth and to tell it in love and to pray with all my might that the people I care for deeply will receive it and respond to it.

The thing you’ve been searching for your whole life, the little voice in your head that calls you to goodness, the answer to all your questions and your struggles is ONLY found in Jesus Christ becoming your Lord. He’s not a gimmick, he’s not for sale, he’s not a control mechanism or a prosperity message. He IS the message. The only reason you exist is because He chose you to be here because He loves you and wants to be in mutual relationship with you. Following Him means not every question get’s answered because we look towards an unexplainable God who has wisdom, knowledge, and power beyond our understanding. It’s one of the reasons we worship Him. He is greater than our minds can comprehend.

I would be a careless hearted person if I didn’t share the truth. I would make a mockery of what Jesus has done on the cross for me and what he has done to restore my life if I didn’t tell you this. I don’t want to be a person that shares only the easy grace filled part of the gospel message. I want to be a person that shares the whole message. I want to stand before God on the last day having left it all on the field not for my own honor but for His.

Don’t fall victim to the Satanic Lullaby that threatens to pacify you with every non life giving thing. No medicine, no relationship, no quick fix and no religion will help you out of the hole that a life without Jesus digs. I promise.

Jesus is holding out his hand asking, not telling. He’s giving you the choice because love doesn’t force. It’s up to you.

To end, I’ll leave you with a psalm I wrote in joy and thankfulness for the Lord hidden away in the desert in a yurt in Kyrgyzstan. A piece of the heart of a follower, not just a believer.

I love the Lord because I’m His daughter, carved by Him in His image

He came for like the wind and gave me the gift of joy in my salvation

He called me clean, pure, righteous and new

He brought blooming foliage to my tired and thirsty heart

He illuminated the dusty attics of my mind

He breathed his fire into my soul

He renewed and reclaimed my heart

When I asked in prayer, He listened to me

He heard my plea for goodness

He gave me new desires

He set my foundation high above so I can see with new eyes and love at new heights

Because He has revealed himself to me, I will give my life, my body, my talents and my dream to Him as Holy and living sacrifices

Because I am called I will charge towards the battlefield He set my feet on

I will not be afraid of man or of evil

He is worthy of my breath, my time, my love and my life

He did it for love, so I do it for love

I am not my own

Hallelujah