Breakfast with a Skeptic, Dinner with a Dreamer

 

*Going be speaking in code now since we are entering into closed countries – promise my grammar didn’t leave suddenly  

 

“Pray to G that peace will find me, Pray to G that He falls like lightening” – in my ears from my Vibey Jesus playlist on Spotify.  

 

Feels pertinent. 

 

We made it. The 10/40 window, the big bulge of unreached people groups – it’ll shake you. 

 

A week before we left for Turkey, I got up in front of my squad (first time as an official Squad Leader) and spoke on Freedom. My own. The one promised to us in JC. The thing that blazes my eyes and will bring me to tears fastest. 

 

MY HEART LONGS FOR G’s PEOPLE TO BE RELEASED FROM BONDAGE AND SUFFERING. 

 

It’s why I’m here, ya know? It’s what G has called me to. I’m serious about it. 

 

I asked the squad a question – “What do you need to get free from?” “What’s holding you back from boldness in Chr*st? If it’s for freedom that Chr*st set us free, then you better take a hold of that gift and enjoy it, right? What’s weighing you down? Where do you need to trust the L*rd more, have faith and JUMP into what he’s calling you to?”

 

The idea is that heading into areas of mad oppression based on years of spiritual strongholds will threaten that freedom faster than a Turkish Rug Sales Pitch. And we don’t want our people of G*d walking in blind. We want them firmly planted in a foundation built on the love of JC and the message of reconciliation G*d has for his people. 

 

Reflecting on that one has me slightly smirking. Because honestly? I’ve struggled a bit. My heart is BREAKING for Musl*ms. Absolutely shattering. So much of what they believe is what we do. Their peaceful presence, love for “G*d” and their general kindness is beautiful. And oftentimes these people don’t appear in bondage – they don’t appear lost or without guidance. It’s confusing. We aren’t pulling people out of hopelessness – these people have a seemingly hopeful outlook. And like us, they are educated – they know how to debate Chr*stianity. 

 

Now before you worry that I’ve lost my marbles, know this – I’ve been moved to research more apologetics, I’ve been moved to worship EVERY night before bed and I’ve been moved to take my confusion and hurt for these people and pour it into prayer. My faith hasn’t been shaken a lick. I LOVE JC – He’s my man. 

 

But It’s hard. I’ll have raised eyebrows and big fat “Why Father?” questions till the day He calls me home. I’m not about to sit out here telling ya’ll it’s a cake walk. It sure isn’t. I spent two hours crying in a mosque the other day sitting next to women clothed in blackness while I messaged my apologetics master friend, Stephanie for help. 

 

Outside of questions, I’ve had some spiritual attacks of anxiety, doubt and even some physical symptoms. I’m not blind. I know there is a target on my back – especially now that I’m leading a tribe of little fire balls our here painting the streets with his Kingdom gold. 

 

So I’m hopeful and I rely on my heart and my testimony more than my head. Saying “JC changed my life and I’ve never known true peace until now” will raise an eyebrow faster than an apologetics statement ever could. Why? Because there is a living G*d inside of me that people see everywhere I go – and their curiosity is the catalyst to conversation. Sometimes I leave feeling defeated and sometimes I leave knowing a little plant sprouted in someones heart. Either way – I typically hear “I’m so proud of you Lindsey, thanks for doing that with me.” Everybody loves a little validation from their boss, right? 

 

And I say all this to say – even in this struggle, even in the questions – He shows himself as faithful, completely in love with the lost and committed to using this little light of mine to shine, shine, shine. 

 

I’m relentless. It’s something G*d gave me – I lay no claim to it. But everywhere I go, I’m looking for the next person He wants to tell His story to. I’m getting braver, bolder and a little more wild as the days pass. I don’t want to miss an opportunity to change someones heart. 

 

You sent me to “Go and tell,” right? 

 

When we first came to Turkey, we spent about a week in Istanbul. I’ve got a thick handful of interactions and stories that take me to that “G*d you are so cool, I can’t even deal with you” place. 

 

But. I want to tell you about one of my favorite days. 

 

We had been staying on the Europe side of Istanbul and felt like G*d was calling us to the Asia side. I had specifically heard “Go to the Asia side, I have something for you and it has to do with where you’ll stay.” 

 

“Check!” I thought. My friend Alli, the team leader for the team I’m visiting now also got, “I’ve got something to show you on the Asia side.” The other teammates in majority were feeling the Asian side too. 

 

So it’s the morning before we leave for the Asia side and we are eating breakfast in our hostel (a true hotbed for the spiritually lost travelers looking for something more.) 

 

A girl sits down at my table from the Czech Republic and we begin chatting casually. She’s bubbly, fun and happy to be hanging out with new people. It doesn’t take long for our conversation to go to “What are you guys doing out here?” – And the rest is history – I get the opportunity to share the G*spel with her and when she says “yes, but all the G*d’s are the same, no?, I feel the HS take over my mouth. Some version of “I have to be honest with you, JC is the ONLY G*d that came from heaven to be with His people, the ONLY G*d that took on sin so you wouldn’t have to pay, the ONLY G*d that defeated death and the ONLY G*d that gives you an assurance of salvation.”  I wouldn’t know how it landed until I heard from Mary, my friend and squadmate, later that she talked to her after I did and she had said she was moved and wanted to pursue more understanding when she goes home. 

 

Thank you G*d. 

 

High on that feeling of “I love sharing you with people, G*d, thanks for the opportunity” we headed over to the Asia side excited to check into our hostel and hit the streets. 

 

Weeellllll our hostels doors were locked and no-one was answering the phone. I heard my deep southern family in my head say “Don’t go out there to those countries, you’ll get scammed and they’ll take ya for all you’re worth.”

 

As if my Father in heaven doesn’t take care of me. Psht. 

 

We all laughed. Sitting on the side of the street with 7 packs, 2 instruments and a snack bag, we resolved that we needed to pray and see what G*d would have for us. While we waited, I whipped out my guitar and we began worshipping. Bold move. I know. 

 

A few of us walked up the street to see what we could find. We pursued a few hotels – out of budget. Tried finding another hostel- a little out of budget. Tried an airbnb – couldn’t drop our stuff off for hours. Hmmmm. 

 

Mary said “Maybe we are supposed to just stay with someone.” 

 

In the midst of our google search, a man and woman pass by mocking our accents – “Americans!” We said hello quickly and they walked away. I remember thinking “Oooo darn it, I feel like we were supposed to talk to them.”

 

Abut 20 minutes pass and here they are again. We chat for a bit and make a remark about being homeless. And wouldn’t you know it but this man says “Hey, I never do stuff like this but I’ve got this airbnb already paid for tonight and we are leaving early. You girls want a place to stay?” 

 

I look at Mary and laugh and then say in my head “Thanks Father.” 

 

This man and his companion, a woman from the Ukraine, invite us in and He figures us out fast as “M”s. He tells us she is shy but has a lot of questions about religion and would love to talk to us. I’m thinking “Are you kidding, Lord? How easy is this?” 

 

We go to dinner with her and she gets the opportunity to hang with the gals and ask a bunch of questions. She used to go to church with her sister and has since fallen away. Classic church hurt. She’s a dreamer, a traveler, a lover of the worlds beauty – just like us. We had so much fun with her. 

 

Remember when G*d said, “Go to the Asia side. I have something for you and it has something to do with where you’ll stay.” 

 

HE IS FAITHFUL. HE SPEAKS. HE IS ALIVE. HE IS WORKING AND PURSUING HIS PEOPLE. 

 

Join me in prayer for Turkey and for the HS to fall like lightening. We’re out here to risk it all for Him. 

 

HE’S SO WORTH IT.