Corporate World Detox – The Road to Enough

I spend a lot of time thinking about how to do things efficiently. Likely a function of my battle with pride and my corporate career, I’m the girl always thinking of the best way to do things. What will take less time? What will cost less money? What will work for everyone equally? What will make sense in the bigger picture? Etc. 

Some of you are reading this right now thinking, “Yea! What’s wrong with that?” And, frankly, half the time, I agree with you. He created us to have a brain. He called us to be good stewards of our time and resources. In some ways, He loves it when we use those gifts to make better decisions. 

But what if efficiency wasn’t actually the goal? What if it didn’t matter how much work we did in a day and how we capitalized on our time? What if we aren’t actually called to measure our success? 

These are the questions I have been asking myself since I started this journey. These are the questions He has been asking me since I started this journey. 

Raised by a hardworking Mom and Dad, the expectation in our family was to have high integrity and to do our best in all things. Never over the top, I credit my parents with a good example of work life balance. Mom always prioritized family dinner, and Dad always prioritized family adventure and vacation.  They didn’t push me too hard in school or plan out my future for me. They gave me space. They let me seek. 

But when Courtney got sick, I decided that the only way to get attention in my family was to be the best girl I could be. Overshadowed by default of her disease, I learned that striving created excellent results. When you strive you get straight A’s. When you strive, people notice how hard you are working.  When you strive, your parents don’t worry about you as much. When you strive, you get a big job, with a big salary that provides big things. When you strive, everyone stops asking questions. When you strive, you can feel good about your life because you are getting what the world says you should want. 

And I was, for many years. 

My 10 years working in the corporate world trained me in some of the best disciplines business has to offer. With the goal to push me up the ladder as fast as  possible, I had some of the best bosses and co-workers a gal could ask for. I learned quickly that the more efficient I could be, the more effective I would be. I learned the discipline of using your time wisely, which essentially meant, don’t take too many breaks. I learned that a to-do list will be your best friend. I learned that if you found the fastest route to a projects finish, you would get highlighted in the boardroom. I learned that staying up all night working and answering emails would be brag-worthy the next morning and set a precedent for who works the hardest. I learned that setting goals and meeting them and proving to your boss that you met them, would always help you move up in a company. I learned that my value was in my work. I learned that my value was in how much work I could do. 

So what do you do when you’ve been plucked from the corporate world like a flower ready for a centerpiece, upright and blooming but in a new environment sustained only by the hope that you’ll make it through the big event? 

What do you do when your job looks different and your boss, well, He’s impressive to say the least? Some may even say He’s intimidating. But He’s also the best boss a person could have. How do you act when His job descriptions look nothing like the corporate world and the office He runs is quite literally upside down and often a paradox that puts all poets to shame?

The truth is – I. Don’t. Know. 

The fact is – I’m learning. 

The real secret – He is humbling me Every. Single. Day.  

And as I follow – sometimes with my heels in the dirt, sometimes with tears on my face and sometimes with a pep in my step – I get a little closer to understanding my job assignment and a little closer to my boss in general. 

So what am I learning? 

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 He Isn’t Asking Me to Work For It

He is retraining my brain.  And in little moments of defeat when I had a day that felt fruitless or I let guilt and shame seep in that I didn’t try harder, move faster, talk more, DO more – He asks me to sit quietly and listen and this is what it sounds like.

You don’t have to earn my adoration. I’ve adored you from the moment I made you. 

There’s no mark you need to meet. I chose you before I chose the earth.  

There is no big assignment I’m waiting for you to finish. I called you and I’ll help you. 

There is no quota. I am working where you can’t see, keep planting.

I don’t need you on your feet 24/7. I’ve called you to rest.

I don’t like hurry. I see time differently. 

I’m not waiting for you to impress me. I’m already your proud Father. 

You don’t have a to do list. You have a to love list. 

I’ll be frank. Sometimes His voice gets drowned out by my fear that I’m not good enough for this job assignment. Sometimes I get scared that people back home will regret sending me. Half the time, I wonder if I’ve got it wrong. More than half the time my team has to remind me to rest and settle down and take it slow and stop looking at conversations like bullet points to add to my “Look everyone, I did such a good job!” list. 

But I am learning and growing and changing and trying so hard to listen to the sound of my Father’s voice. I’m choosing to fight off the layers of a corporately trained brain and rest in what He says, not what the world says. 

I don’t have to be efficient. He alone is sufficient. 

 

A Job Well Done Is A Humble Heart

The cry of my heart is to watch as people come to know Him. The cry of my soul is to be a part of that process – to enjoy walking with my Father and being a vessel of his unending love and freedom. 

And He let’s me and I’ve watched Him use me and I’ve experienced the joy of sharing Him with others and watching as souls light up and smiles grow and people see Him through me and my team. 

But He doesn’t need me. 

I, in my simplest form, am an instrument to be played, a vessel used to pour out something, a flower meant to bloom. I am among many, uniquely created but at the hands of my creator nonetheless. Deeply loved and uniquely set apart for beauties I can’t understand, I am cherished. Yet, He is not dependent on any aspects of this identity He gave me. The creator of everything doesn’t depend on his creation, does He? 

So when I lost the words to say or I stayed back sick or I hurt someone’s feelings or I lost a debate, or I sold my heart short, or I slipped back into sin – He humbles me by kindly reminding me that He works everything together for good. 

He doesn’t need me, but He wants me. I must remember that anything beautiful that comes from me is an overflow of the beauty placed within me – by Him. 

What a humbling thought to think the world would be just fine without all my talents and striving. What a beautiful thought to think the world spins wildly on with or without me and my only job is to dance in it, eyes up.  

 

He Cares About the One

Who the heaven am I to measure what He is doing around me and especially through me? 

As I fumble around wondering if I’m doing enough, He reminds me daily of the value he has placed on the One. 

He left the 99 for the 1 – It’s one of the most beautiful concepts we know about Him. He sees the least, the smallest, the unimportant. He sees the one and he chases after them with everything he’s got. 

So let’s think about this a little bit. 

If my entire year is about one person coming to know Him, would it be enough for me? Would it be enough for you? 

If my entire year is about preparing me for a year 10 years down the line where one person who knew no one else would come to know Him through me, would it be enough for me? Would it be enough for you? 

If my entire year was about one conversation had in one country that planted one seed of 100 seeds that would eventually grow into one person coming to know Him, would it be enough for me? Would it be enough for you? 

If my entire year was only about me gaining a deeper understanding of Him and growing in my walk with Him, would it be enough for me? Would it be enough for you? 

Because it’s enough for Him.  

He promises that being obedient to a call is always sufficient. Saying yes and diving in is always worth it. He promises that he is working always, even when we can’t see. 

And he cares about the one. So if the one is good enough for Him, it’s good enough for Me. Is it good enough for you? 

 

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It’s been two months and my corporate detox feels like an eternity and also feels like it’s just begun. 

I’m learning to be quiet, I’m learning to slow down, I’m learning to listen, I’m learning to find my value in Him, I’m learning to love money less, I’m learning to give myself more, I’m learning to look at myself less, I’m learning to look at Him more. 

I’m learning that the rules of the kingdom and the corporation are in conflict and only I get to decide who I want to be ruled by.

Spoiler alert. I’ve decided.