I’m Finally Returning to the 10/40 Window…..With a Twist

In March of 2020, on the long flight home from India, I wept. It was too soon. My toes had just touched the shore of the 10/40 window and I wasn’t done.

 

It was the first time I heard Him whisper, “It’s not over.”

 

Even in my frustration about coming home, my resilience to fear of Covid, and my stubborn faith, I couldn’t be too mad because I knew that whisper was a promise.

 

As my original squad started to break off and separate, I felt strong in my heart to keep my feet planted.

 

I remember one night on our weekly zoom calls, I was tempted to sign off before it was over. There were only a few of us and I was tired and discouraged and I started to feel like that original squad just wasn’t going to make it back out. And that’s when I heard it.

 

“Now. The time is now to rise up. You’re a leader, Lindsey. Stay the course.”

 

I ignored it.

 

I wasn’t ready to listen to that voice. Being a leader had meant a lot of things to me in my past life and had represented a side of me that I didn’t like. Plus, I didn’t want to get my hopes up for anything without it being asked of me first and at this point, we didn’t even have a squad ready to go.

 

So I stuffed it.

 

It’s sweet to reflect on now knowing about five months later I would be asked to be a leader on my squad and just four months after that to be a raised up squad leader.

 

God was preparing me, telling me what would happen and giving me time to grow into it, sit with it and prepare my heart.

 

Ironically, this is the same thing my leadership team did with me when they invited me to be a squad leader.

 

Ari took me to the beach and handed me a note. I wasn’t expecting a darn thing so I tucked it into my backpack thinking I would read it later. She said “No, no read it now!” It took me a few takes to even recognize what it said and what she was asking. Written from the perspective of God asking me, rather than Ari – she sat with big tears in her eyes and said, “Soooo? Will you do it? Will you lead your squad?”

 

A surreal moment. “Really?” I said.

 

After I said yes, in secret, she asked me to tell no one for a whole month. “Prepare your heart, sit with the Lord and take time to pray into what this means,” she said.

 

The Lord is sweet to give me space every time he asks me to take a jump. Again, I sat in secret, knowing what was coming.

 

That was hard, actually. Everyone is curious, everyone is buzzing and I have to not only create and maintain a poker face, but I’m looking at everything through a new lens now.

 

Squad leaders fight for the care of the total squad. Their function is to communicate with the mentor and the coaches on the emotional, physical, mental and spiritual health of each member of the squad. We are the eyes and ears for everyone back in the states caring for us at the AIM office. As Ari creatively said, we are like little vagabonds moving around and rotating from team to team, measuring the heartbeat of each team and team leader and vision casting along the way.

 

Along with having eyes and ears for the squad, we are responsible for other tasks like planning debriefs (lengthy process), having one-on-ones with the squad members, attending four hour leadership calls, facilitating conflict resolution and generally running around helping wherever we are needed.

 

It’s a big responsibility. It’s a good responsibility. It’s an honor and a privilege.

 

And it’s going to call me higher, on the daily I’m figuring out.

 

Last week, I attended a week-long training with my mentor, alumni squad leaders (the ones that have been doing this job for the last 4 months) and my two new co-leaders.

 

It was one of the best weeks on my race, maybe even the best. Along with learning all of the ins and outs of the job, we were learning the spiritual part of authority too. We were poured into, encouraged, prayed and prophesied over and built up. We spent some time bonding and getting to know each other REAL well. Like talk about your sin struggles in front of everyone, real well. We aren’t heading into this with veils over our faces. We want to know and be known first among each other so we can know our squad and serve them well.

 

So here we go!

 

I’m currently serving alongside an all girls team in Puerto Plata, Dominican Republic with a ministry called “Until They Know.” Ari, my alumni squad leader, is here with me for 20ish days to train me. I’ve spent the last week shadowing her and then next week she will step back and let me try it.

 

Every night we do a debrief that’s meant to be quick but ends up being long as we discuss and ponder and pray and cry and pick at each other’s insecurities with the hopes of making each other look more like Jesus.

 

It’s really discipleship at it’s finest.

 

This part’s been a little harder. I’m exhausted. I’ve actually never felt more tired. Ari says the transfer of spiritual authority will do that to you. I don’t know if I feel that yet, but I trust that something is happening in the spiritual realm.

 

And I want to be honest. It’s not just the exhaustion that’s been hard. I’ve been feeling REALLY inadequate. Am I gifted enough? Am I strong enough? Is my heart compassionate enough? Do I care enough? Am I smart enough? Will my knowledge of the bible suffice? Will my knowledge of God suffice? Am I likeable enough? And the list goes on.

 

Part of me is excited to have to lean on God EVEN MORE. I’ll need to be going back to Him on the daily with shrugged shoulders asking what I should do. I’ll need to ask Him to lay down with me at night until I fall asleep when I feel lonely. I’ll need Him as Lord, Father, Friend and Husband. I’ll need Him MORE.

 

Someone recently asked me what I was most excited for and what would be the hardest part in this role.

 

Squad leaders don’t stay in one place for long. I’m excited to move around to different teams and see more. I love to go-go-go and I think the opportunity to see more places, people and things will be thrilling for me. Plus, I LOVE to travel solo so those little moments when I’m on a train where no one knows me feels like a DREAM, especially when I’ve been with people 24/7 this year.

 

I’m not looking forward to being separated from my co-leads, Tito and Raquel. I love them and I feel knitted to them now and though we are a team, we will only be together when the full squad is together for debriefs. I’ll miss the support and love and community of having my team with me. I’ll get sweet tastes of that as I move around but my team, my fam, will always be hidden away in different pockets of the squad, and a little piece of my heart will be tucked away wandering with them.

 

In this whole process I’ve had a few flashbacks and moments of reflection. It’s hard to believe that when we left the 10/40 window last year, God was incubating me for this role and asking me to head back into the 10/40 window as a leader.

 

Yep, you heard it right. The day we say goodbye to our alumni leaders and bravely walk into the airport with our squad, fully owning our roles, will be the day my prayers are finally answered and we head back to the 10/40 window to preach the gospel to the most unreached.

 

Coincidence? Can’t be. He answered my prayers……with a twist. I imagine Him saying, “Oh I’ll send ya back out all right but I’m going to need you to step up sis and walk into how I made you and what I’ve called you to.”

 

I can’t believe I get to lead this band of warriors into the unreached nations. These people are wild and IN LOVE with God. Are you kidding? It’s a dream.

 

The next half of my race is going to look soooooo different and I’ll be faced with a higher level of responsibility, stress and position.

 

I NEED YOUR PRAYER.

 

–       Pray for confidence, endurance, unity and mad discernment for me, Tito and Raquel

–       Pray that I continue to walk in disciple and that my thirst for the word will increase

–       Pray that our time in the 10/40 window will be fruitful and we will see people come to Christ

–       Pray that our squad continues to grow in physical/mental/spiritual health, knowledge of the Lord

–       Pray for all the people we have encountered so far – that they would be discipled and would grow in the Lord