Killing the Monster of Comparison

 

I’ve been asking myself a question over the last year or so that I absolutely love talking to others about.

 

Born out of a season of getting stuck in jealousy and comparison, the Lord has lead me to this really special place where I’ve realized that comparing myself to others and wanting things I don’t have are truly, really, a waste of time and frankly, an insult to my creator.

 

So the question I’m asking is: Could you be happy with just experiencing beauty rather than obtaining it for yourself?

 

Let me explain.

 

For me, this has been an interesting question relating to three areas of my life – materialism, vanity and coveting of relationship.

 

Materialism:

 

I read a book once that gave this interesting image. A man walks into an art gallery and sees a painting that he loves. It’s the perfect color. It compliments his home. It’s unique and thought provoking. It’s amazing. But. The painting is expensive. There is no way the man will ever be able to afford it. Obsessed with it, he spends his time thinking about the painting and being frustrated that his lifestyle doesn’t support the opportunity to buy it. As it crosses his mind, he becomes increasingly bitter and is haunted by the fact that “he will never be able to afford the things he wants.”

 

But what if seeing the painting was enough? What if the experience of standing in front of something beautiful and knowing God made someone to make it was enough?

 

Have you ever walked into a store like Restoration Hardware or some expensive clothing store and left sad or frustrated thinking “I’ll never be able to afford the things I want.”

 

I have. I especially have now that I’ve left the money-making life for the missionary one.

 

But what if you could walk through a store like that and get pumped up knowing that those things exist and they are beautiful and you got to sit on that couch or try on a perfectly fitted dress?

 

What if your perspective was to delight in what exists without ever obtaining or consuming it?

 

Vanity:

 

Raise your hand if you’ve ever looked at someone else and though I wish my _______ looked like that.

 

Everyone ever raises his or her hand

 

It’s natural that we observe physical beauty in others. God made us to do so. We notice that perfectly curled beach hair or the sweet side profile of our friends. We see the cute dimples and the long legs and the big brown eyes and the clear skin and the long eye lashes and on and on and on.

 

But what if instead of coveting it and wishing you had those things, you thought “Thanks for making that person, God. They are so beautiful and fun to look at. Good job!”

 

It kind of changes everything.

 

Because here’s the thing – If I’m dissatisfied with the way I look, I’m dissatisfied with the creation of the maker himself and that isn’t honoring Him. Any time I’m not in line with what He says is good, I’m out of line and my contentment is completely at risk and my peace is being threatened by the enemy.

 

Plus, I’m just looking at myself and not looking at Him – which was my biggest problem in the first place.

 

The next line of attack comes when the enemy tells you that because you don’t have some physical characteristic that someone else has, you’ll miss out on something.

 

Well that’s just a lack of faith, frankly. Can you trust that God made you on purpose? Can you also trust that he’s made other people that will look at you and see the beauty you see in others?

 

I’ve watched it. Friends have called me alluring and captivating on what I felt were my worst days and they’ve pointed out flaws that worry them that I’ve never even seen.

 

The key? Stop looking at yourself and look at Jesus. And when you notice the perfectly placed dimples on your friend, redirect your thoughts towards the maker and think to yourself, “Nice work, God.”

 

Coveting of Relationship:

 

Now this one is my personal favorite because it’s the one I feel like I have grown in the most. I realized last year that gosh darn it I was a 30 year old woman living like a teenager feeling “left out” and getting stuck in “three is a crowd messes” worried that relationships were like horses – If I didn’t keep em’ tied up, they’d run for the hills.

 

Again, a lack of faith.

 

I wasn’t trusting that God knew my heart and would protect my need for intimate friendship and community- so I needed to control everything.

 

And it was exhausting.

 

Really, in not trusting God, I had trouble trusting my friends when they said they loved me and wanted to continue being my friend. I was waiting for them to leave at any moment.

 

So here’s the beautiful thing. Now, when someone I’m close to gets close to someone else I’m close to or maybe just someone else generally and I hear that icky little voice saying “See they don’t really want to be your friend, you’re not that interesting, they’d rather spend time with _________” – I have a new perspective.

 

I get to sit back with a smile on my face thinking, “Wow, I’m so glad that someone else is getting to experience how fun and loving my friend is. Isn’t it cool how God is using my friend to encourage that person? Wow, I love getting to watch my friend shine and honor God with the way they were made to love others.”

 

Game Changer.

 

If I was ever worried about it to begin with I was just worried that ultimately I would be lacking something if that person left me. I gave a human way too much power.

 

Now – I give my feelings to Jesus. I trust Him to fill in the spaces that others can’t fill because they are human and I trust Him to bring me community when I need it and lock me up safe with Him in the secret place when I don’t.

 

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I’m still learning and growing in these areas and asking God to refine me. I’m sure I always will, but as my faith grows I get more free understanding that the only thing I need is Jesus and the second I take my eyes off Him, they are drawn to a million other things that leave me wanting.

 

Friends, this is real. Your striving for anything other than Him will leave you empty and hollow.

 

Consider the questions – What am I putting my eyes on lately? What am I wanting more of lately?

 

If it isn’t the kingdom of God or His beautiful presence – Start there.