I’m sitting on a rooftop deck in Indonesia unsure what to write to you. We arrived at country number 2 yesterday and I don’t even feel like I fully lived country 1. Isn’t time funny?

Nevertheless, I’m eager to pull out my reflections and thoughts on Australia, a beautiful, homey country that pulled on my heartstrings like music.

Australia wasn’t culture shock. No no. But it was lifestyle shock and a shallow end walk into the race.

We got used to living in constant community, sleeping on the floor, walking 10 miles a day, not having air conditioning everywhere we went, cooking for 30, submitting to authority and saying no to our flesh.

We kicked and bucked and oversold our hearts half the time, but the Lord was in every moment I chose adventure over solitude with him. He met me each time I pushed myself past rest for the sake of avoiding FOMO. He held my hand when I ran to him tired and empty ready for a reprieve from my need to over socialize.

We served and loved and opened our hearts and our mouths and our hands and tried not to cry when we said goodbye.

We woke up every day saying yes. And I’m starting to understand that that, in itself, might literally be the key to so much.

I am working to remind myself that God doesn’t need me. He doesn’t need any of my oh so curated talents. He doesn’t need my specific set of skills. He doesn’t need my strength or my confidence or my eloquence or any of the other pride points I’ve curated over 30 years of trying to lift myself up because that’s what we do.

He doesn’t need anything. But he wants my heart. He wants my affection and my dreams and my big and little pieces. He wants my obedience only because he wants my willingness. He wants me to accept the love he is offering and the adventure of letting him guide me.

So as I write this, I am deep breathing out a whole lot of worry over your expectations and my need to show people that my time here is worth your money and your prayers and your sending. I am releasing that to the Lord. I am accepting here and now that I am walking in obedience just going on the race and that as long as I continue to say yes, to abide, to stay close and to be willing to self evaluate again and again, I will be walking with Jesus himself.

And that when he calls me to stand in the banana section of a grocery store, I’ll do it. And I’ll have that conversation and I won’t wonder why or how or when he will use any of it. I’ll trust his craftsmanship. I’ll trust him.

Some days felt efficient and active and hard working. Some days I was on my hands and knees scrubbing floors.

Some days I saw him big and wide and winking from above. Some days I wondered where he was.

And today, as I sit here reflecting on my Father and all the good that made up Australia, I am peaceful and centered and loved and my heart doesn’t feel like it’s wandering.

I want to paint a picture of a few of my favorite things we did in Australia.

Sherwood Cliffs

We spent time volunteering at a rehabilitation center for women and men struggling with alcoholism and drug addiction. Nestled into the hills on a family run farm, the facility is home made in all its glory. The buildings are a compilation of given and passed down materials nailed together with dedication and love.

Their goal is to provide men and women and their families (they take in families!) with a path to wellness guided my Jesus and medical professionals. They take in the hard ones. They do the work so many of us don’t want to.

And I could tell you about the labor we helped with and the jobs we did there but really we were there to fill in the gaps. Our tribe was there to encourage and get things done and bless them. The work didn’t require any specific skills and I didn’t necessarily feel like WE were the only group that could have helped but we said yes and we helped and we were blessed. And they were blessed.

Blessed by their faithfulness and their vision and their journey. Blessed by their willingness to work with the forgotten and believe in the redemptive spirit of the Lord.

ATL

Sometimes his voice is strong and you know and you follow and amazing things happen. Sometimes his voice is strong and you know and you follow and nothing really happens. Sometimes you don’t hear anything at all and you lean on your teams visions and words and direction.

We spent 3 days in ATL and I want to be clear about how it was for me because people need to hear that not everyone that goes on the race is a Christian Power Ranger and not every day means an amazing story.

It’s still life you know. We’re still human, you know.

When the Lord showed up big, I was shook and enthusiastic and on cloud 9. It was so beautiful to see the miracles of the Lord and even to hear about them from other teams.

But when the Lord wasn’t as obvious, I found myself self-centered and pouting and maybe even doubting a little. Does the Lord want to speak to ME? Am I someone worthy of his direction? Doesn’t he want to give ME visions and words?

There is no beautiful conclusion here. I am wandering through it. I am holding the arm of my Father and battling comparison and doubt and weird insecurities I have picked up. I am learning to trust him when he isn’t obvious and remember that he is good and he keeps his promises and just like how I don’t see my earthy father every day, I know he loves me always and I always know the shape of his character.

Voyage

I undoubtedly saved the best for last here. Voyage is a start up church meeting in a community center. Created by a family (wife/husband/daughter), Voyage came from a big step of obedience and the idea that we are all on a journey to worship and know our God.

We quickly fell in love with this church and attended it for as long as we were in Australia. We loved the open hearts, the honest messages, the faithfulness and the familial atmosphere that can only be curated by the love of Jesus.

And this is where I met Spliv. My sister. My friend. Spliv is the daughter of the pastors and the founders of Voyage. She is the center of the worship band and the color behind it all.

She is bright and bold and unapologetic. She is kind and a deep well and an explosion of art. She is an indie film you want to keep watching. She is cool. She is different. And I loved getting to know her.

Spliv quite literally took us on a journey to see more of Coff’s Harbor. She was full of surprises and nooks and crannies. She was a gift.

And alongside Spliv, we served Voyage and got the beautiful opportunity of loving on the congregation week after week.

A team of 30, we were able to move some big rocks for a smaller church but it would be in the encouragement and the family and the small talks that all the big things happened and the last day we were there we got to witness a woman walking into the faith for the first time.

Voyage put an imprint on my heart because it was a metaphor for the Voyage we are on in the World Race. Spliv became a mirror for saying hard goodbyes to beautiful gifts of friendship from the Lord. Our ability to serve that church and get inspired by the community that grows there was a lovely look into the Acts church that we all so desperately desire.

Australia wasn’t necessarily hard or messy or culturally kicking. It wasn’t 3^rd world or particularly difficult to navigate or understand. But in all of this the Lord was pruning and teaching and introducing me to new ways of thinking and living and submitting to him. And just like all the other lessons I’m learning, I’m seeing that not all things with God go one way. He is unpredictable. And he has my yes. So let’s go.